Alternate post titles also considered this evening:
Option 1: Paging Dr. Weeds
Option 2: You Have GOT to be Kidding Me
Option 3: (Don’t) Pull My Finger
Do you see how the tip of my left index finger looks a little large and in charge there? It is swollen and although it looks pretty innocent, let me tell you – it hurts. Like, bump-it-just-right-and-I-feel-like-I-might-puke kind of pain. Pain that had me out of bed and googling “swollen, painful finger tip” at 4 AM on Monday morning. (See Post Title Option #2 above.)
It started a week ago I think, and at first was more of a nuisance than anything else. You know… like, a little throbbing during downward dog, holding my finger out of the way as I load the dishwasher, using my pinkie to pick my nose. Unfortunately though, it has gotten progressively worse with each passing day and has now gotten to the point where it can no longer be ignored.
So I saw my primary care physician yesterday who, after unsuccessfully attempting to aspirate the hard lump deep within my finger pad with a syringe reminiscent of something someone might spear Moby Dick with, sent me to an orthopedic surgeon today. (See Post Title Option #2 again.)
My Google self-diagnosis on Monday morning? (See Post Title Option #1). A felon. This was confirmed today by Dr. Orthopedic Surgeon who almost a little too eagerly gave me the news that my finger has to be sliced opened from tip to first knuckle and drained first thing on Thursday morning.
And then when I half-jokingly asked if I could still run, he half-gleefully told me “not for two weeks.” (Post Title Option #2 one more time.)
“The wound will be have to be left open so it can drain. No sweating for two weeks.”
The good news? It’s my left hand. (Insert the obvious “I’m right handed” here.)
The bad news? It’s not my middle finger.
Cause if it was my middle finger, I could show people exactly what I think about all this. Maybe I’ll just hold up my middle finger and say “It’s the finger next to this one that hurts!” You can see Post Title Option #3 now.
(If you want to know how it all turned out, go here.)