15 Random Facts About Today’s Long Run

July 17th, 2010 | Posted by Alison Spath in Fitness

1.  I failed to remember to charge my Garmin before bed last night, thus I ran today with my old school (now seemingly very little in comparison) digital watch that doesn’t tell me anything fun or exciting.

Little Watch

2.  My left arm felt amazingly light with no 3 lb garmin strapped to it.  So light in fact that it kept creeping up toward the sky and I had to hold it down with my other hand lest every person I ran past wonder if they were supposed to call on me to answer a question.

3.  I clung to the right side of canal path like a bad toupee on a sweaty bald head after being told to “stay on the right side of the path, bitch!” by a portly gentleman walking his equally portly dog a couple weeks ago.  Lesson learned.  Jerk.

(Sorry, no pic.  Maybe next time.)

4.  With no Garmin to tell me my distance, I had to rely on landmarks of a known running route to gauge my distance and pace, much like prehistoric runners had to do.


5.  Around Mile 4 I started to notice that the liner of my running shorts was beginning to chafe me in a very unmentionable “juncture”.

(Again, I’ll spare you all the pic of this one too.)

6.  At some point a bicyclist approached me from behind while simultaneously rustling the branches of a bush as he rode past.  This sequence of events lead to the escape of a very loud (and very girly, I might add) scream as I thought for a moment that some giant, ferocious creature was about to emerge from said bush and do lord-knows-what to me.


7.  Around Mile 7 I was feeling like I was not going to make it the next mile and a half home unless I ripped out the liner of my shorts.  I seriously considered this idea, but scratched it when my left hand refused to come down out of the sky to assist my right hand in such a task.

8.  Some how I made it home after a very hot, sweaty, chafey 8.5 miles.  I refueled with chia seeds and water like the Tarahumara peeps do in Born to Run.

9.  The gel like substance that forms around the chia seeds once they get wet made it seem like I was swallowing a glass full of caviar.  Given I’ve never actually eaten caviar, this is really just my best guess as to what swallowing a bunch of of wet, slimy chia seeds might be compared to.

Chia Seeds Chia Drink

10.  I drank my fish egg drink, changed out of my angry shorts and quickly made a voodoo doll of the (nameless) running shorts company exec and stabbed it right in the crotch with a straight pin.  I then liberally applied Body Glide to the unmentionable areas of my lower half, shook an angry fist at today’s humidity and then cursed at myself for not setting out earlier.  Finally, I strapped my now-charged Garmin to my wrist, put on a new, more forgiving and less chafey pair of shorts before setting off for the second half of my long run.  That’s like eight facts all rolled into one, yo.

11. The next 5 miles were a hell of a lot more comfortable than the first 8.5. I think those chia seeds may have played a role in that last fact too, I might add.

12.  I howled like a banshee in the shower when the stream of water made it known that there was more chafe-age on my back thanks to a sweat soaked sports bra.

13. Today’s post-run cold oat combo contained a half cup of rolled oats in unsweetened almond milk, one small sliced banana and one spoonful of almond butter.  Almond butter played the role of Protein! in today’s breakfast show.  A small cup of half-caff coffee with Organic Valley half and half played the role of Antagonist.


14.  Breakfast was enjoyed on the porch in peace thanks to children watching an episode of Inspector Gadget on Hulu.

15.  I am now waddling around the house like I’m barefoot and 9 months pregnant and/or holding a beach ball between my knees lest my third pair of shorts of the day rub against the unmentionable spots outlined in item number 5 above.

Now you know.

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8 Responses

  • Jane/you-know-who says:

    Clever & amusing like always. Sorry about your discomfort

  • Sorry about those unmentionable areas. You must be talking about your elbow and knee, right? Next time I want a spotlight blog on the portly gentleman. We could all make a voodoo doll of him. Jerk.

  • Daniel says:

    So many things to comment on… I’ll just leave it at this pretty much made my night – completely hilarious!

    I can’t believe someone would yell that at you, that’s completely rude and unnecessary to do in any situation. Even without the vulgarity that’s still over the top.

    Maybe you could make a comfortable pair of shorts out of his dog if you encounter him again – then you could kill two birds with one stone. 😛

  • Mackenzie says:

    Just found your blog, and I love your writing style! I’m just a month short of my first half-marathon and finished (with tears in my eyes) Born to Run this morning! Such a good book… I’ve already made iskiate multiple times and am looking into making pinole for my runs. The book even showed me that my running shoes are probably causing my plantar fasciitis, so I’m really interested in Vibram’s FiveFingers. How do you like yours? Are they worth the pretty penny that they are?

    • Alison says:

      Hey Mackenzie! Thanks! I’m loving my Vibrams… I’ve only done a small amount of running in them, right now I’m wearing them everywhere though to strengthen my feet and slowly incorporate more and more barefoot running into my mileage. They were totally worth the cost!

      Good luck with your first half marathon coming up!

  • Haha…I can totally relate. Chafing is not fun, but you handled it like a champ.

    I need to get back to using my chia seeds. I bought a big bag a while bag and went through a spurt of loving them and then transitioning over to flaxseed.

  • #6 made me laugh SO hard! So did the arm in the air thang! Love this post!

  • Cindy says:

    I think I remember watching that godzilla movie! started having total flashbacks!

    sorry your hobbling around like a pregnant mama! no good!

    but as always you made me LAUGH OUT LOUD.


    CALGON. just sayin