Greetings From the South Pole

November 16th, 2009 | Posted by Alison Spath in Parenting

I swapped my early morning work out today for a little early morning de-cluttering/getting-ready-to-pack-up-this-entire-house-and-move-our-worldly-possessions-25-minutes-east-of-here instead.

La de da just taking stuff we don’t use any more to drop off and donate! Don’t mind me!

Load It

Wait a minute. Not so fast. Have you ever tried to donate or get rid of something with your children around? Be it their old toys or your own kitchen and household items? Trying to move stuff OUT when you have curious creatures wanting to know what they are missing out on or are being robbed of makes this a very delicate operation. This should only be attempted in the wee hours of the morning when no one is around to protest the donation of old toys. Old toys that are haphazardly thrown from toy bins directly to the floor while in search of the toys they actually play with.

In all fairness, last week I tried to get them do this with me; explaining that they have lots of toys.

Why don’t we pick out the toys that you no longer play with and give them to children who need them?

This is a perfectly reasonable request, wouldn’t you say?

Have you ever tried to explain to a shark that he’s really not that hungry and your bloody stump isn’t as good at the old boot you saw floating just off shore a mile back?

But I digress.

Suggested Toy Donations turned Treasured Possessions were of course cast aside within minutes in favor of the empty paper towel roll and lone sock with a hole in it named Fred.

So I guess I’ve got no choice but to go undercover.

Hide It

I am like the opposite of Santa Claus. Instead of delivering toys to children while they are sleeping, I take them away. Naughty or Nice, Mama Claus doesn’t care. MC just wants to move with fewer items in the Toy Shop than she has right now.

Santa Claus says Ho! Ho! Ho! Mama Claus says Oh! Oh! Oh!

Don’t give me that look. How do you think these kids got here in the first place?

My sneaky unSanta karma caught up with me shortly after taking that picture because I soon realized my camera was no where to be found.

I’m ready for breakfast, where the hell is my camera?

Wouldn’t it be just my luck that I mindlessly set it one of the boxes I went back out with later to shove under the blanket? That would just be too perfect.

But alas, my story isn’t that ironic. After 20 minutes I finally located my dear Canon in the remote corner of the basement where I had been recklessly throwing toys into a bags like the Grinch Robin Hood.

With the exception of the rind, I ate all the parts of the pineapple that are missing here. Sorry camera, I couldn’t wait.

Sliced Pineapple

Clueless children awake, time to load them into the car and hope they don’t ask What’s Behind the Circus Stripped Sheet Mommy?

Clueless

Shhhh shhhh go back to sleep.

So where were we off to on this fine day? Why the dentist of course! Ava was first in the chair. Well, actually mommy went first but no one offered to take MY picture while I got my teeth cleaned. Sometimes I just get sick of asking.

Ava's First

Aren’t the sunglasses a nice touch? Whatever keeps’em in the chair.

Today’s appointment was special and in my mind deemed blog worthy because it was Maxine’s maiden voyage in The Fun Chair. A little look-see teeth counting and warm up so she won’t suspect the robotic restraints that come up out of the arm rests next time around.

Max is Next

Please note that I did not take this picture, Ava did. I’m not THAT obnoxious with the camera, at least not on Monday’s.

I Did Not Take This Picture

48 teeth cleaned (28 of mine, 20 of Ava’s), 20 teeth counted, one loose tooth (not me) and no cavities (for all). Best of all, no sheets were prematurely torn off any boxes full of toys. I call today’s trip a rousing success.

I’ve got a meeting scheduled for this evening, so my clueless philanthropists were dropped off at Aunt Ellen’s house for the afternoon before I revealed to Goodwill what was behind the curtain. With a belly that shakes like bowl full of veggies, I shouted Oh! Oh! Oh! as I drove out of site.

A child-free, good will toward men, leftover lunch was in store for me today. The last of the curried lentil and squash soup with my favorite vegeta-ful sandwich on toasted Ezekiel.

Leftover Lunch

It hasn’t been a very foodie day, but it’s been a day, you can’t deny it. Tomorrow we will return to your regular Mama’s Weeds programming. For now I must say:

Merry Sneakiness to all and to all a good night!


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16 Responses

  • Cindy says:

    and thank you for the bowl full of belly laughs.

    first I think I had the same sheets when I was a kid! cracked me up!
    Second: you are singing my song Mama…we had a garage sale many moons ago and I let a little girl take a bear of Kyles (that he NEVER even looked at) and she fell in love with it and he cough didn’t give me permission” cough to get rid of “Bear” and so to this day I am not allowed to touch his stuff!

    Third: that face of Ava’s in the car….she looks suspicious!
    Forth: the shark comment ! enough said!

    today’s food could have been raw dirt and it still is worth it’s weight in toys!

    THANKS!!! oh oh oh!
    GAWD YOU KILL ME!

  • Erica says:

    Thats awesome! I can only imagine what that situation is like! Glad you got everything safely delivered without fussing. Cute dentist pics. And what a lunch. I must try that soup- it seriously looks out of this world good. Enjoy the rest of your Monday

  • You are one sneaky mama! Just wait until the girls figure you out… Looks to me like they may be on to you already… 😉

  • Bernadette says:

    I usually save my toy cleanout for when she’s not there because I have a very different problem with my Way too cool for school 9 year old… she has NO PROBLEM getting rid of stuff, saying things like “yeah, I don’t want that. Or I don’t even like that.”
    Wait..what?!
    Then why on earth did you let me spend money on it for christ sake?!???!?
    Yeah, I’m pretty sure you WANTED that or LIKED it when you were BEGGING for it in Target!!
    Geez, kids these days!!
    xoxo

  • Mama Pea says:

    Old Navy Dress, Old Navy Dress!!! Hot MILFs pick out that dress for their daughters. My girls have not yet been to the dentists. Rotten teeth, cool clothes. We are on our way to being Kate Moss in no time at all.

  • Erin says:

    How about trying to move your entire house in three weeks because you just “put the house on the market to see if it would sell,” and your 22 year old daughter comes out into the garage to find out that you’re boxing up/giving away her entire collection of Anne of Green Gables book and LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE!!

    Not that I know that person, or anything…

    You can take their toys, just don’t take their amazing sets of classic literature or they will still remind you of it every chance they get 😉

    And “clueless philanthropist” could very well be the title of an awesome blog. Genius!

  • I just have one question for you . . . did you even steal the last piece of roast beast?!?!

  • It’s not my kids that i have to worry about, it’s my hubs. We’ve been together 10 yrs and in the last 6 mos when i donated 80% of all our worldly possesions including random boxes of crap from 1988 that have been in a garage since 1989…all of a suddden it was like, hey wait, That’s my xyx and I may need that. Um no. you won’t. It’s going to the trash or the Salv Army but not with us :) Love you too honey.

  • Liz says:

    Good job sneaking those old toys out of the house! I don’t think I could have been nearly as sly as you.

  • Lizzy says:

    aww i was that kid who didnt want there toys donated either. way to be sneaky with it!!! :)

    That veggie sammy looks amazing! those are my favorite when every veggie you can think of are between 2 pieces of bread! :)

  • Libby says:

    Your girls are still young. I suggest you keep trying. Keep talking to them about donating their things and your things. My girls are really good at donating things they no longer love or need – sometimes a little too good :-).

    Libby

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  • Ashley says:

    I LOVE getting rid of stuff! It’s the most refreshing feeling to just take bags of stuff to Goodwill!

  • Holly says:

    haha, that picture of max in the dentist chair is EPICally hilarious! i LOVE the sunglasses. ummm i would deem your day pretty foodie-ful, that soup looks delish!

    have a wonderful day mama!

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