Greetings From the South Pole

I swapped my early morning work out today for a little early morning de-cluttering/getting-ready-to-pack-up-this-entire-house-and-move-our-worldly-possessions-25-minutes-east-of-here instead.

La de da just taking stuff we don’t use any more to drop off and donate! Don’t mind me!

Wait a minute. Not so fast. Have you ever tried to donate or get rid of something with your children around? Be it their old toys or your own kitchen and household items? Trying to move stuff OUT when you have curious creatures wanting to know what they are missing out on or are being robbed of makes this a very delicate operation. This should only be attempted in the wee hours of the morning when no one is around to protest the donation of old toys. Old toys that are haphazardly thrown from toy bins directly to the floor while in search of the toys they actually play with.

In all fairness, last week I tried to get them do this with me; explaining that they have lots of toys.

Why don’t we pick out the toys that you no longer play with and give them to children who need them?

This is a perfectly reasonable request, wouldn’t you say?

Have you ever tried to explain to a shark that he’s really not that hungry and your bloody stump isn’t as good at the old boot you saw floating just off shore a mile back?

But I digress.

Suggested Toy Donations turned Treasured Possessions were of course cast aside within minutes in favor of the empty paper towel roll and lone sock with a hole in it named Fred.

So I guess I’ve got no choice but to go undercover.

I am like the opposite of Santa Claus. Instead of delivering toys to children while they are sleeping, I take them away. Naughty or Nice, Mama Claus doesn’t care. MC just wants to move with fewer items in the Toy Shop than she has right now.

Santa Claus says Ho! Ho! Ho! Mama Claus says Oh! Oh! Oh!

Don’t give me that look. How do you think these kids got here in the first place?

My sneaky unSanta karma caught up with me shortly after taking that picture because I soon realized my camera was no where to be found.

I’m ready for breakfast, where the hell is my camera?

Wouldn’t it be just my luck that I mindlessly set it one of the boxes I went back out with later to shove under the blanket? That would just be too perfect.

But alas, my story isn’t that ironic. After 20 minutes I finally located my dear Canon in the remote corner of the basement where I had been recklessly throwing toys into a bags like the Grinch Robin Hood.

With the exception of the rind, I ate all the parts of the pineapple that are missing here. Sorry camera, I couldn’t wait.

Clueless children awake, time to load them into the car and hope they don’t ask What’s Behind the Circus Stripped Sheet Mommy?

Shhhh shhhh go back to sleep.

So where were we off to on this fine day? Why the dentist of course! Ava was first in the chair. Well, actually mommy went first but no one offered to take MY picture while I got my teeth cleaned. Sometimes I just get sick of asking.

Aren’t the sunglasses a nice touch? Whatever keeps’em in the chair.

Today’s appointment was special and in my mind deemed blog worthy because it was Maxine’s maiden voyage in The Fun Chair. A little look-see teeth counting and warm up so she won’t suspect the robotic restraints that come up out of the arm rests next time around.

Please note that I did not take this picture, Ava did. I’m not THAT obnoxious with the camera, at least not on Monday’s.

48 teeth cleaned (28 of mine, 20 of Ava’s), 20 teeth counted, one loose tooth (not me) and no cavities (for all). Best of all, no sheets were prematurely torn off any boxes full of toys. I call today’s trip a rousing success.

I’ve got a meeting scheduled for this evening, so my clueless philanthropists were dropped off at Aunt Ellen’s house for the afternoon before I revealed to Goodwill what was behind the curtain. With a belly that shakes like bowl full of veggies, I shouted Oh! Oh! Oh! as I drove out of site.

A child-free, good will toward men, leftover lunch was in store for me today. The last of the curried lentil and squash soup with my favorite vegeta-ful sandwich on toasted Ezekiel.

It hasn’t been a very foodie day, but it’s been a day, you can’t deny it. Tomorrow we will return to your regular Mama’s Weeds programming. For now I must say:

Merry Sneakiness to all and to all a good night!

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